“The Five Love Languages” by Gary Chapman, is an excellent book about what love means to us individually and how to identify and communicate that to our spouse/partner.
Chapman describes how the way that we give love, is not always the same that we would like to receive it.
For instance, you may be in your comfort zone when you buy your spouse some chocolate. However, you may prefer to receive affection from him/her. By the same token, your spouse/partner may have preferences of their own.
This concept is so effective that the Military has adapted it as the basis for one of their couple’s retreats.
Chapman describes the Love Languages as follows:
#1 Words of Affirmation- Thank you, you are looking good, etc.
#2 Quality Time- meaningful time together- fully present with each other
#3 Receiving Gifts- just as I mentioned above- tokens of love
#4 Acts of Service- making you a cup of coffer, doing laundy.
#5 Physical Touch- a favorite of many- from affection to sex.
The book includes a self-test for Men and Women to identify your primary and secondary preference.
When you take into account these differences, and identify your preference, as well as your
spouse/partner’s preference- you stand a better chance of getting what you want and giving
your spouse/partner what is most meaningful to them.